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02 January 2012 @ 12:34 am
Well, mmm, happy new year!

Have had quite a busy few days.

On wednesday Simon drove over here. We didn't do much because Simon was tired out from driving, other than buying food for me and Libby to make dinner (i made pennetone bread and butter pudding!).
On thursday we went to Gloucester to visit Charlie, who was my best friend when i was about 12-14, and friends with right into our late teens. We'd lost touch a bit in recent years because we both moved away, and she's had children, so it was lovely to see her again. Her kids are absolutely adorable! Noah is nearly 3 (actually, 3 weeks younger than FT), and William is 7 months old. Charlie also has a siamese cat who is awesome! Noah was really taken with Simon (as all toddlers are...) and had fun bringing absolutely ALL his toys to pile on Simon's lap, and William sat on our laps gurgling and finding things to chew on. Charlie is much the same as she's always been, apart from a slight bitchiness she developed in her teens has been grown out of, making her lovely. She's taken to motherhood like a duck to water, it really suits her. Sadly seeing Charlie dealing with motherhood in such an admirably capable way has made me realise quite how dysfunctional Best Friend is in dealing with FT - even though she tries incredibly hard to be a good mother, her own poor mental health really interferes with FT's wellbeing, yet BF can't see it.
On friday me, Emmy and Simon went to Birmingham to do some sales shopping. It was horribly busy! We had all-you-can-eat sushi for lunch which was AWESOME, and later on we found bubble tea!!!!!! Sales shopping was grim, but i did find a dress, and Emmy got everything she was looking for. Still got some more sales-shopping to endure because my winter boots have got a hole in them and i get a wet foot!
Then yesterday Simon and I went up to Coventry to see my Auntie Anne (my mums sister), where we drank copious amounts of tea and chatted.
And today i've been shattered, so have spent much of the day asleep, in preparation for the mental energy i'll need tomorrow being a human sat nav when we go home!

The past couple of days i've been thinking about my life in 2011 and what i would like to be different in 2012, and pondering resolutions. Things i think i'd like to be different about my life:
- i want to be more considerate in how i spend my time. Time is a precious thing and for me is passing incredibly fast. I want to try stop wasting my time on things that are pointless.
- i want to have a job, or more voluntary work.
- i want a proper home with Simon.
- i want to by physically and mentally healthier.
- i want to do more interesting, exciting and new things.
- i want to work on being more sociable, even if it's little things like keeping in contact with far-away people (by phone, letter, facebook, etc) more.

2012 seemed to be very uneventful for me. On the one hand this was good, because it meant nothing awful happened, but at the same time nothing amazing happened either.... life just kindof passed me by quietly.

Today i read a letter Auntie Anne sent to dad about the more dysfunctional aspects of our family. There's been an awful lot of feuds and bad feelings, going right back through the generations. It seems that every feud stemmed from stubborness and an inability for people to effectively communicate their thoughts and feelings with one another, leading to people simply not speaking to eachother for years on end. This is particularly interesting to me because two of my less useful traits are 1) stubborness, 2) a failure to communicate effectively with other people, especially about feelings! Clearly these are traits i've taken from my mum which have been passed down through generations of my family.
One thing that was particularly hard to read about was the feuding and fall-outs my mum was involved in. I'd never met Auntie Anne or any of her branch of the family until after mum died, and mum stopped talking to Grandma (and stopped taking us to see her) when i was 11. It was never completely clear to anyone why these fall-outs actually happened. I found out in the letter that Auntie Anne had sent me and Emmy cards and presents at every birthday and Christmas, but never knew if they arrived. And the only time she saw mum before mum needed her for her transplant was about 13 years ago when mum invited her to lunch.... but mum made Auntie Anne leave before Emmy and I came back from school. I just can't understand why my mum would do that; i can tell it really hurt Auntie Anne to not meet her own nieces.
I guess the fortunate thing for me is that i can look back at the mistakes my family have made and our more dysfunctional traits and then learn from them, especially with the background of mental health issues and years of therapy which has enabled me to see my own faults and those of my immediate family. And, although i missed out on having my family for many years, i have them now, and not taking them for granted makes them all the more precious.
jumpinggenejumpinggene on January 2nd, 2012 12:45 am (UTC)
I find the post-Christmas sales really rough. I should probably get out there and get new work shoes, but I just can't face the seething hordes :(

I find it odd how different the individuals in a given family can be. I share a lot of genetic material with my brother, but on some fundamental issues we just can't share a common perspective. Same with V and his brother. In fact, V and I are a lot more similar with regard to our approach to life, than my brother and I.

I hope you're doing well, in general. Haven't been in touch (as you know) but following Trixie religiously on FB... FB has sucked a lot of my LJ time (particularly as I can FB at work while LJ is a bit harder to "do").
Josieking_josie on January 3rd, 2012 11:24 am (UTC)
Families are weird. I've spent the past couple of weeks observing the dysfunction of dad and Emmy and thinking "thank god i'm not like you!" and then occasionally spotting likenesses to myself and thinking "AARRGGHHH"! In approach-to-life i'm different though, or at least, i hope i am.
(Deleted comment)
Josieking_josie on January 3rd, 2012 11:25 am (UTC)
haha grammar-fail!! x
Stephinystephiny on January 2nd, 2012 02:05 am (UTC)
Happy new year to you too!!

Those are all really good goals, things that you can make steps towards and that will improve your life. I should take lessons in making goals from you!!

I have a favourite tip for sales shopping. A lot of places have discounts online too. Before the sales you can try on all the things you like and figure out what fits, then after christmas you can do all your shopping from the safety of your computer! Well, not all of it. There are loads of things you can pick up cheap in stores that you'd never find online, but it's helpful for the things you know you are going to neen.
Josieking_josie on January 3rd, 2012 11:27 am (UTC)
Though my goals may be good, i think i'm probably being over-ambitious. I know really i should break these down into managable chunks. I am shit at keeping to resolutions, and it's probably because i aim too high..

That's a good idea re sales shopping! The rest of the year i tend to do that kinda thing with shoes - i found sandals i liked in a shop and then hunted around the internet to see where i could get them cheapest... saved myself £25!
9nocturnes on January 2nd, 2012 01:40 pm (UTC)
I just want to wish you a Happy New Year and thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. All the best to you and those you care about.
Pat...Washington State...USA
Josieking_josie on January 3rd, 2012 11:28 am (UTC)
happy new year!
duck_deluxe on January 9th, 2012 02:22 am (UTC)
Hi Josie,
It's Amy - I used to be spork_zilla on here (remember me?). I was thinking about you the other day and decided to stop by and say hello. We lost contact on facebook and I've been trying to find you but can't, so here's my other attempt, lol.

Hope you're well.
Happy New Year!
Josieking_josie on January 9th, 2012 10:24 am (UTC)
Hi Amy!!!! Gosh it's been a long time... i've wondered how you've been getting on! How are you?? xxx